Finding Closure

Mom and her husband Fritz

The ashes are being swirled away

I have always been told that finding closure when something sad or bad happens to you is very important. Therapists tell us that being able to move on or get over a life-altering event makes us a healthier person. Frankly, I never put much stock in the many articles on closure that I have read over the years until now.

My 94-year-old Mom passed away last April. Mom was my rock, my cheerleader, and my friend.   Needless to say, this life-changing event filled me with a grief that to this day sneaks up on me with no warning. My brother and I promised each other that we would travel to Calgary, the place of her birth, to spread her ashes.

Fast forward to a few weeks, ago. After much discussion, we decided to spread her ashes in the Bow River under the Center Street Bridge. As a child, she would often walk into town for ice cream crossing this historical landmark.

After carefully scouting for the exact spot to release her remains, we tossed them into the fast-moving river. I watched as the ashes swirled in the water, only to have the current carry them away.

What I felt next surprised me. It was not anger, sadness or even regret. It was a deep sense of peace. Mom loved this spot, she loved me and I know she would have approved of what we did. This act allowed me to be thankful for her life and reminded me that she is in a much better place.

The rest of the trip was a wonderful tribute to her. We visited the house she was born in. We saw cousins that we hadn’t connected with in over 20 years. They had their own precious memories of my mom. This was all part of the healing journey.

My advice to anyone seeking closure is to simply do it. What is the final step that will give you peace? It won’t’ take away the grief or sense of loss. However, it will give you a sense of closure and allow you to look at what happened from a different perspective.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

John 14:27

Historic Center Street bridge links the North Hill of Calgary to the city center.

Mom and her husband Fritz










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5 Responses to Finding Closure

  1. Lynne says:

    WOW.. Powerful and beautifully written. Very few of us in this world have the pleasure of feeling that sense of peace. It is now our common bond. Someday over coffee I will share with you the peace I found during my dads passing.

  2. Cha cha Carter says:

    Hey! Your blogs are great! I just read the one where you were Talking about memories and when your mom accidentally used salt instead of sugar… Its crazy, I can vividly remember that, and how she initially thought he was just joking.. man still to this day I have never had a better oatmeal chocolate chip cookie than the ones she made. I see from your blogs she recently passed, I’m sorry for your loss, and love your blog about what you and your brother did. Hope you are well! I hope our paths can cross again one day! Would love for my kids to meet you guys! Give my love to Gerry and the boys!

    • janwieder says:

      So Good to hear from you. I think of you often and yes I remember the cookie she made.
      If you are ever up our way. You and your family would be welcome.

  3. Gerry says:

    Exactly what your Mom would have wanted as a celebration of her life.

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